Fact. The Drifters are the The Fall for black people. Sooner or later you get called up.
There is a 0.2% chance that you have been a member of The Drifters.
I’m still trying to find out what the first rule of Fight Club is.
Get your ‘Guy Ritchie Character Name’ by touching something close to you with a body part, and using those two things as your middle name.
Mark Gatiss watching Craig on The X Factor: Who was that fat lass singing Paparazzi? Continue reading
Jay: I’d love to be on the dole in this weather.
Lezzer: I’ve got a letter to go for one of those over 40s health checks.
Jay: Are you going for a genital test?
Lezzer discusses office cleaners: They all look the same to me.
Hol’s first day back at school: How small are year 7s? I almost trod on one.
Dolly: Steve once took a special needs group to see The Matrix.
Jay to Alex: Just cos you have smiley faces and turkey aeroplanes when you get home.
I often forget what I was planning to say: Hol are you going to eat these shoes or what?
Alex: We’re the last sane generation.
Dolly to Alex: I’ve got no knowledge of computers and you’ve got no common sense.
Lezzer: My friend did Greg a few years ago at Bankfield.
Lezzer: You need some of that – what do you call it – slippy slappy?
Karen: Isn’t it funny how you look at funerals now? I’m starting to grade them…judging the quality of the coffin, the food…
Jay: Monks are always attracted to me.
Alex: Is that the one whose face got ate off by a monkey?
Alex: The Irish age faster.
Jay: Is that someone’s real name – Ed Balls? What a knob. Continue reading
Twitter response to this man, Uncle Tony, appearing on the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Uncle Tony
The fact Uncle Tony dyes his hair is as pointless as putting a cherry on a turd.
A doctor to a patient on 24 hours in A&E: So apart from the heart stopping, any other problems? Continue reading
Woman being interviewed on ITV about the Royal Wedding
Interviewer: And what did you think of Kate?
Woman: Aw, she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet. Up there with Cheryl Cole. Continue reading
“I really want to have sex with you.” “Thanks very much. Very kind of you.” (Zen)
“How can you get caught between the moon and New York city? They’re like 100 miles apart” (Finn Hudson)
fixingmydrawers 