Quotes of the Year: Part 4

Part 4 of some things that I found amusing this year

Convos

Jay: I’d love to be on the dole in this weather.

Lezzer:  I’ve got a letter to go for one of those over 40s health checks.
Jay:  Are you going for a genital test?

Lezzer discusses office cleaners:  They all look the same to me.

Hol’s first day back at school: How small are year 7s?  I almost trod on one.

Dolly: Steve once took a special needs group to see The Matrix.

Jay to Alex: Just cos you have smiley faces and turkey aeroplanes when you get home.

I often forget what I was planning to say: Hol are you going to eat these shoes or what?

Alex: We’re the last sane generation.

Dolly to Alex: I’ve got no knowledge of computers and you’ve got no common sense.

Lezzer: My friend did Greg a few years ago at Bankfield.

Lezzer: You need some of that – what do you call it – slippy slappy?

Karen: Isn’t it funny how you look at funerals now?  I’m starting to grade them…judging the quality of the coffin, the food…

Jay: Monks are always attracted to me.

Alex: Is that the one whose face got ate off by a monkey?

Alex: The Irish age faster.

Jay: Is that someone’s real name – Ed Balls?  What a knob. Continue reading

Carry on dating

When I was a young and wide-eyed girl thinking about my future, I may have day dreamed about dating River Phoenix or marrying The Edge and raising a brood of musical offspring, but in no version of my planned future was I a forty-something single mother facing the daunting prospect of dating in 2011.

Things have changed beyond recognition since the 90s when I was last dating.  Back then I was pretty impressive.  I had a teeny waistline and I was a dancer.  I had fellas queuing to ask me out.  And I was cocky with it.

I remember being in a night club with a pal when a guy came over and asked  if he could take me out. I waved him off with a beautifully tanned arm and told him if he really liked me, he’d find out my name and number and call me. Two weeks later I was in work and the phone rang.  “Hi, Andrea, it’s Vinny.” Vinny?  Who the heck was Vinny? “Vinny from the Buzz,” he said.  I was pretty impressed so I dated him for a while until John came along in a swanky Audi flashing a pair of Del Amitri concert tickets. Continue reading

I love you, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

Seventh time lucky!

I’ve just had one of those over-the-garden-fence conversations with my next door neighbour that brought to mind something that famous clever clogs Samuel Johnson once said

“Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience”

I can testify to the truth of this, having been someone’s second wife in a marriage that was ultimately doomed.

But, having been a second wife, I can understand the feeling of optimism that this time it’s all going to be alright as you swan down the aisle to make your vows that this one will last forever and ever. Amen. Continue reading

I’ll be there for you……

Sunday 4th September 2011 was a very sad day in our house.  E4 ended its twelve year deal to show episodes of Friends.

When Friends first aired in the UK I was a twenty-something single girl.  I had two jobs, went out every night of the week and, apart from the spacious and beautifully decorated Manhattan apartment, I lived my life like the characters in the show did.

Continue reading