The 5 greatest inventions ever

I thought I’d examine the world of human invention because I’m frequently awed and mystified by the entire process of invention.  That human beings can produce things like the laptop that I’m writing this on is nothing less than magical to me.  In 1899, Charles H Duell, the Commissioner of the US Patent Office declared

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

This was four years before the first powered flight, seventy years before we put a man on the moon and ninety years before the invention of the world wide web.  It’s a good thing old Charles H got it so wrong.

Some inventions have changed the way the human race exists in the world.  Take the contraceptive pill, the car, in-vitro fertilisation and the nuclear bomb.  Well not literally of course, but these things in their own way changed mankind.  For better or worse, only history will tell.

But there are some inventions that are an ultimate good and that bring nothing but happiness to all who use them.  There is absolutely no downside to them, just pure, unadulterated joy. I’ve tested some pretty nifty inventions and picked the five absolute greatest ones ever.

So here is my Top 5 Greatest Inventions Ever starting with this…

It’s a hairdryer, brush and curler in one.  And it’s not just hype – it actually works.  Who needs the internal combustion engine, when you’ve got beautifully bouncy hair. At number 5 it’s…

The Babyliss Big Hair styler

Oh yes.  This next invention is not only a thing of enormous beauty; it is eminently practical in that its LED lighting system can help you find your way to the loo in the event of drunkenness, power failure or even a world where machines have taken over and cyborgs hunt for human prey.  It is, of course, at number 4…

The light up toilet seat

My next choice for best invention ever is a perfect example of necessity being the mother of invention.  Transforming the humble ring doughnut beyond the need for an eating strategy – should you put it on a plate and cut it into smaller pieces?  do you eat around it until the circle breaks? –  this next invention takes everyone’s favourite no-good for you, sugary, sweet snack and turns it into a snack you can enjoy in any circumstance.  On the go, on the run, on the job.  You can always manage one.  At number 3 it’s…

Greggs Doughnut Fingers

We’re almost there.  The runner up spot for the best invention ever in a tightly fought final two is a piece of kit that will bring endless hours of fun to literally the entire family.  I can personally vouch for the brilliance of this one, which we once took on a family gathering to Skeggy.  We hid it behind the wheel of a parked car and launched it to the surprise of unsuspecting pedestrians.  We used it to create a new level of ringtone on one family member’s mobile phone.  The only limit is your own imagination.  At number two I give to you…

The remote controlled fart machine

And so here we are.  We’ve reached what is, in my very humble opinion, the pinnacle of human achievement.  More significant to ordinary people than the creation of a spacecraft that can reach the far side of Mars, more helpful round the house than the television and more suited to modern living than the steam engine, I can only dream of the day when I can proudly say that one of these is mine.  At the top of the pile, the best invention ever… at number one is, of course….

Robot hoover

So there’s my top 5.  Do you agree with my well thought out and considered list?  Let me know what you think.


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