Concert couple creatures…with two heads

Have you seen one?  One of those couples who go to concerts together?  I’m not talking about couples who’ve been together since the 80s and go off together to smoke a fat one and watch the British Pink Floyd while the mother-in-law takes care of the kids for the weekend.  Nope.  I’m talking about something which appears to be a relatively recent phenomenon – the concert couple.

This pair are usually in their late 30s, early 40s and give the appearance of having met somewhere around six months ago on eHarmony or match.com.  Possibly having found true love the second time round, they’ve regressed to teenager-dom in the level of their public displays of affection.

"You're the cutest"  "No, you're the cutest"“You’re the cutest”  “No, you’re the cutest!”

They spend a significant amount of time gazing into each other’s eyes, sometimes getting closer and closer until their ickle noses meet in the cutest….sorry, I may heave.

These loved up sweethearts seem to be playing a game where certain death could ensue if at least one part of their body is not touching  a part of their partner.  The default position of choice appears to be the ‘my-chin-on-my-partner’s-shoulder-while-we-both-look-in-the-same-direction’ stance.  From certain angles they look like a single two-headed creature.

What’s worse, about 15 minutes before the show is due to end, the concert couple will start to make their way to the nearest exit.  I can’t say for certain whether this is because they’re being extraordinarily middle-aged and want to beat the rush, or if it’s because their love cannot be contained by a mere music venue.  Either way, I feel like putting out a foot to cause their conjoined twin-like meandering to take a massive tumble.

I first saw  concert couples in action a couple of years ago at a Take That extravaganza and thought at the time that it was a Take That-specific thing, but I believe that it’s spreading.

I saw Jools Holland and His Rhythm & Blues Orchestra last night and found myself seated behind one of the more extraordinary concert couples I’ve encountered.  I’ve got to admit I had one eye on Sandy Shaw’s amazing guest appearance and the other on this pair.

The guy got up and did a jig that was Mandess One Step Beyond on the top half and The Twist from the waist down and the girl tried valiantly to clap and move in time to the music but heroically failed.  But never mind, they had each other.  I’m sure they may have gone home thinking they saw Tina Turner rather than Ruby Turner so little did they look at anything but each other.

But to add to my conviction that they haven’t been together too long, when they walked out she was carrying her own ridiculously high shoes.  Give em another couple of years and either a) he’ll carry them for her or b) she’ll be wearing comfortable flats.

I’m not sure how I feel about concert couples.  Am I secretly envious that I have no-one to put their head on my shoulder? Or do I just want that special someone who I can walk into a post-concert sunset with?  Walking, of course, with our hands in each other’s back pockets…

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